For a Friend

Supporting a friend going through violence comes down to being present and trying hard to avoid thinking you can do everything by yourself. Helping to point your friend in the direction of professional assistance may be the most caring thing you can do.

Below are some guidelines about how to support someone reporting sexual violence or gender-based violence. These are only suggestions and serve as examples of how you could be supportive. Just remember: believe them, listen to them, and speak from your heart.

Remember that supporting someone will be hard. It is important to seek out support for yourself. If you recognize that you are the only resource for someone who has gone through a traumatic experience, suggest that they seek out another resource of their own. Also, in this role, you are not a detective or an investigator. Support does not mean interrogation, and if that's hard for you, speak to someone before taking on the responsibility.

If you have any questions about how to support someone, or how to support yourself, reach out to one of the following resources:

Sexual Assault Support Services of Midcoast Maine (SASSMM) is an excellent resource; contact them at 1-800-871-7741.

You can also contact Counseling Services at (207) 725-3145, or reach out to Rachel Reinke, the director of gender violence prevention and health education, at (207) 725-3037.

Tips for Supporting a Friend

Assure them that is it not their fault.
Assure them that they did the best they could.
Suggest that they talk to someone.
Assure them that they are not alone.
Be sensitive to their need for privacy.
Stay calm and be patient; give them time.
Offer to go with them to report the incident and to seek out resources.
Use active listening skills to tune in to concerns and priorities, as these may be different from what you perceive their priorities to be.

Please avoid the following:

Asking questions out of curiosity
Expressing shock, disgust, or anger, or judgment
Pressing for details
Asking questions without a reason to ask them
Interrogating them or asking questions as if to ascertain "what really happened"
Touch them without their permission
Put words in someone's mouth or tell them how they are feeling
Making decisions for the student
Making promises or guarantees, such as "You're going to be fine" or "Your family will be supportive"